There’s a rather oddly written article on Broadly. about Aspie women and the workplace. I say oddly for lack of coherent order or argument flow. It appears the intention is to talk of symptoms we women face, but it really is not tied back to one central point because it switches gears between symptoms and an employment organization. That said, I get where she was going: advertisement of the org via article. Got it.
Anywho… The symptoms mentioned are a good place for me to start talk about what I’ve been experiencing because of my workplace. I’ve been working for the government for three years. It’s absolute torture, and I’ve been in and out HR more times than I can count now. If it wasn’t for union protection I would have been fired just for not being the meek, avoidance type. Thankfully I’m not though because they eat people alive.
Because of this I know a lot about Aspie Burnout. I’ve had burnout 3 or 4 times since I started this same job. I’ve been on two medical leaves, both for physical problems, and emotional as well. I’ve had enough of the bullying and mocking, especially when they know full well my diagnosis. EEOC is coming, all I’m gonna say.
Right now I’m in a whole new zone, somewhere beyond burnout, where my vindictive and conniver aka my bitch side comes out. I didn’t want this side to resurface this way, but I am so done with this place I’d nuke it just as a warning to others.
(Because of the world we live in today, no, I would not actually hurt people. Please put the gun down officer.)
I kind of miss the days when I was completely naive to the fact that I even needed to guard my words. I had far more energy. It’s not like I’m even any good at pretending to be normal anyway, no matter how much people tell me I’m “so normal”. Actually, they really want to say, “You’re not different, you’re just an a$$hole,” which is so much easier for them to wrap their teeny, tiny brains around than to try understand what I really go through.
In the newer understanding of female specific “symptoms” there is something called “masking”. If you happen to not be familiar, it as studying another girl’s behavior to then mimic her as a way to try to fit in with other girls. Some (or many?) Aspie girls learn to do this to cope. It also costs far more energy than it would for a neurotypical to develop the same skills without a mask.
I never learned this mimicry, which has always been a double-edged sword. I’ve always felt super strongly that we are ethically bound to be open and honest. And now, in my late thirties & early forties, I’ve been fire forged to lose a bit of my naïveté, but gain the patience necessary to find out what people’s motives are, and they aren’t very good I’m finding. It is rather disappointing.
I have also believed in letting one’s freak flag fly, and this is not the exactly the standard business behavior. I have paid over and over for just being myself and hoping people will be accepting, but I am repeatedly disappointed there too. It does hurt the self esteem after a while, and it reinforces the idea either way that who you are is unworthy and people only want to be around mirrors of themselves. This is particularly true in my current office. Trump clones.
I don’t personally have issues with work clothing with the ever present exception of tags! and finding comfortable footwear. I don’t do cute shoes or anything girly really. But, I do struggle to find shoes that will accommodate the shape of my foot.
I wish my parents had encouraged my interests. Instead they’d say every single one as a waste of money. Toys for me were ever a waste of money. My parents let television raise me because it didn’t cost anything extra for them. My mother made a huge show of how wonderfully giving they were just to buy me new clothing at the beginning of the year and that became an excuse to not buy me Xmas or birthday presents. And, they weren’t even poor yet!! My mother went to Ann Taylor. They went of trips to the Caribbean. And so on.
So, that covers the symptoms they covered in the article. I’ll need to separately add more of my own.